Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Two Lists About Geometry Wars

Top Nine Reasons Geometry Wars Retro Evolved 2 Is The Best Game On Xbox Live Arcade That Isn't Braid

1. It's so good it regresses my vocabulary. While playing it I am incapable of saying any words that aren't "oh shit".

2. It's so incredibly gorgeous in all its radiant neon glory that it makes the original (which I used to think was really pretty) look utterly bland and boring by comparison. Seriously, play it. You won't believe how badly it's aged.

3. Bombing the whole screen scatters geoms everywhere, and you can have loads of fun by saying "geom nom nom" while you hoover them up.

4. The multiplayer is fantastic, if only for the humour value of having someone next to you saying "oh shit" during the short periods when you're not saying it.

5. Sequence is so blatantly unfair I don't think I'll ever reach the end, but it's all worth it for the level with all the greenies. They way they swoop and billow around your line of fire is just spectacular.

6. Wax Off is the best achievement since... well, Pacifism.

Gates are both your greatest friend and your bitterest enemy. I think I've died more times at the hands of gates than any other enemy. Why would you build a gate and make the edges deadly? That is extremely poor gate design.

8. Also I know that enemies can go through gates, but I completely forget every single time one appears. Why do I do this? I can go through gates, why do I think the enemies can't? It makes no sense.

9. Waves: when you play it, you will shit bricks.

Top One Reasons Geometry Wars Retro Evolved 2 Is A Stupid Piece Of Shit That Should Go And Die Somewhere


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